The phase when your emerging adult pulls away, gets closer, does things for the last time, and you both start asking, “What’s next?”
Twelfth Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
You will probably feel urgency in these last 52 weeks. As a senior takes on more responsibility, they may also lean in relationally. They discover-especially late in the year-they need you a little bit more than they thought. All of the sudden, the decisions they face have very high stakes, like, “Will I date long-distance?”
The countdown clock is running fast.
In fact, it can drive you both a little crazy. Your twelfth grader may mentally check out of high school long before they feel certain about what they want to do with their future. Even the most accomplished twelfth graders will take a few years (and maybe some counseling) to figure this adult thing out. For now, just remember to focus on the next few months more than the next “rest-of-your-life.”
Everyone is wondering, “What’s next?”
Your kid is no longer a kid. Technically speaking, they are responsible for themselves. (Of course, you may still have to pick up the pieces from time to time.) You will feel them pull away as they drive to their first job, deposit a paycheck, or register to vote.
If sixteen is “sweet,” eighteen is “legal.”
the Twlfth Grade Phase
welcome to
support the branches
In High School:
Encourage your teen in their endeavors as they grow in new directions. As they branch out, support and guide them while they take ownership of their faith to prepare them to flourish in the ages to come.
In the Twelfth Grade phase, your role is to mobilize their potential.
- High schoolers think like a philosopher. | You help them learn when you… ask questions.
- High schoolers want to know, “What will I do?” | You capture their heart when you… create vision.
- High schoolers are motivated by freedom. | You coach them when you… focus their options.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Strengthen your relationship by adjusting your plans to show up when they need you.
Their TIME
Interpret life when they occasionally open up at the end of the day.
Bed TIME
Connect regularly by scheduling time to eat together (even once a week).
Meal TIME
Instill purpose by starting the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"What do you think about church & youth group?"
"What’s something you feel like God is teaching you right now?"
"How can I pray for you today/this week?"
"Lately, I’m finding I connect best to God when I’m…"
be wise with your words.
This year you will fuel passion so they will keep pursuing authentic faith and discover a personal mission.
Your twelfth grader may be preparing to transition- not only out of their school and your home, but also potentially out of your church. When you talk with your senior about what’s next for them, include conversations about how they will find and serve in a faith community.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Becoming more emotionally stable, but need support and grace
- Often thrives in a particular area of interest
- Values being true to themselves
- Frequently demonstrates initiative for personal interests
emotionally
- Increased interest in intimate expression (64% of twelfth graders report being sexually active)
- Less available for family time
- Wants to feel ownership in personal decisions
- Shows respect for others' opinions and is able to compromise
- More at ease around adults
socially
- May overly romanticize or catastrophize
- Open to discussing current affairs and social issues
- Capable of complex, multi-step problem solving
- Still struggles with long-term planning
mentally
- Wisdom teeth may begin to “come in” (17-21 years)
- Has difficulty falling asleep before 11pm (it’s biological)
- Needs nine hours of sleep and one hour of exercise per day
- Girls have likely reached adult height and body development
- Guys may continue to grow in height, and develop muscle mass, body and facial hair
physically
your child is changing...
In High School, questions shift from, "What now," to, "What's next?" Be prepared to help them navigate questions of identity and purpose.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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