The phase when there’s less drama, more stress, and your very busy teenager answers all your questions with, “Just trust me.”
Eleventh Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
Eleventh graders often take on AP courses, volunteer activities, leadership roles, SAT prep, or an internship. Whether your teen is caught up in the race to win, or simply trying to survive, eleventh grade is filled with pressure. Navigating all of this pressure is your eleventh grader’s major accomplishment.
“Accomplish” is the word for this phase.
Actually, they don’t expect you to keep up. What they really want is for you to trust them. After all, they will be out of the house soon, and you will have to trust them anyway. Let this be a practice year for both of you. Help them prove the ways they can be trusted, choose your battles wisely, and parent them in the areas that seem to be most challenging for them personally.
It can be hard to keep up.
The rapid influz of hormones has regulated, the fight for peer acceptance has subsided, and the intensity of conflict over independence… well, they’ve worn you down. You may begin to see glimpses of rationality as your junior finds their voice, fills their calendar, and accomplishes surprising things.
Your eleventh grader may impress you.
the Eleventh Grade Phase
welcome to
support the branches
In High School:
Encourage your teen in their endeavors as they grow in new directions. As they branch out, support and guide them while they take ownership of their faith to prepare them to flourish in the ages to come.
In the Eleventh Grade phase, your role is to mobilize their potential.
- High schoolers think like a philosopher. | You help them learn when you… ask questions.
- High schoolers want to know, “Why should I believe you?” | You capture their heart when you… refine their skills.
- High schoolers are motivated by freedom. | You coach them when you… encourage them to serve others.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Strengthen your relationship by adjusting your plans to show up when they need you.
Their TIME
Interpret life when they occasionally open up at the end of the day.
Bed TIME
Connect regularly by scheduling time to eat together (even once a week).
Meal TIME
Instill purpose by starting the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"There’s nothing you will ever do that could make God stop loving you."
"How can I pray for you today/ this week?"
"When do you feel closest to God?"
"What do you think about church & youth group?"
be wise with your words.
This year you will fuel passion so they will keep pursuing authentic faith and discover a personal mission.
In this phase, your eleventh grader is asking, “How can I matter?” A faith community can help them find significance by giving them opportunities to give, serve, and love others. Your eleventh grader will never get over seeing how God can work through them in meaningful ways. Encourage their personal faith journey by having conversations at home.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Values humor as a positive point of connection
- Becoming more at ease with who they are; may become more honest than in previous phases
- Often takes on more than they can handle
- May struggle with regulating emotions and social control
emotionally
- Dating relationships have become more “committed”
- Increased interest in intimate expression (54% of eleventh graders report being sexually active)
- Cares deeply about issues like control, responsibility, and freedom (both personally and globally)
- Tends to be self-focused, busy, and unavailable
socially
- Can be insightful and incisive about complex issues
- Wired for risk-taking
- Highly self-aware; may think “Everybody’s watching me.”
- Tends to be opportunistic and idealistic
- Struggles with long-term thinking
- More capable of grasping paradox, hyperbole, innuendo, and satire
mentally
- Has difficulty falling asleep before 11pm (it’s biological)
- Needs nine hours of sleep and one hour of exercise per day
- Girls have likely reached adult height and body development
- Guys may continue to grow in height, and develop muscle mass, and facial hair
physically
your child is changing...
In High School, questions shift from, "What now," to, "What's next?" Be prepared to help them navigate questions of identity and purpose.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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