The phase when nothing you do is cool, what they feel right now matters most, and one suddenly social kid wants to know, “ Who’s going?”
Seventh Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
It may be hard to recognize your seventh grader amid all the other seventh graders. They walk the hall in pairs. They go to the mall in a herd. They build unfathomably large social media platforms. In seventh grade , the best place to be is wherever “everyone” goes.
Now--everything happens in a crowd.
It’s not that what you said this morning doesn’t matter, it’s just that they don’t remember it. And it’s not that they don’t care about their future, it’s just that the present is so much closer. Most seventh graders are hyper-aware of their present reality. That means there isn’t anything quite so motivating as right now. Look for ways to use right now to your advantage, and appeal to their present circumstances.
Now--is really all that matters.
Figuring out the new rules for your social behavior can be intimidating. When is it acceptable to walk over and say hello? Why do all your comments elicit an eye roll? Don’t be caught off guard--you’re transitioning to parenting an adolescent. This may be an awkward phase for you.
Now--you’re embarrassing.
the Seventh Grade Phase
welcome to
Embrace your preteen's identity through pruning and shaping them on their faith journey. Subtle but consistent nudges in this stage have the potential to propel your child on through the stage that comes next.
prune patiently
In Middle School:
In the Seventh Grade phase, your is to affirm their personal journey.
- Middle schoolers think like an engineer. | You help them learn when you… connect the dots.
- Middle schoolers want to know, “Who am I?” | You coach them when you… provide stability.
- Middle schoolers are motivated by acceptance. | You coach them when you… affirm their value.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Listen to their heart by staying available--just in case.
Bed TIME
Establish values with intentional conversations while you eat together.
Meal TIME
Interpret life during informal conversation as you travel.
Drive TIME
Instill purpose when you start the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"When do you feel closest to God?"
"How can I pray for you today/this week?"
"What would be a fun way we could serve others together?"
Consider serving at your church or local ministries that appeals to your seventh graders interest.
be wise with your words.
This year you will provoke discovery so your seventh grader will own their faith and value a faith community.
In this phase, your seventh grader may be asking some hard questions. Don’t be shocked (at least not visibly). That isn’t toxic to your middle schoolers faith; it’s part of the process of personalizing what they believe.
Make your home safe place for them to ask questions, questions, and shows them interest and what they are learning.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Enjoys silly and sometimes crude humor
- Benefits from talking about what they are feeling and why
- May be restless and need physical activity
- Tends to overschedule their time
emotionally
- Often characterized as happy, silly, and loud
- Interested in pop culture and new slang
- Needs non-parental adult influences
- Places a significant emphasis on peer opinions
- Girls (in particular) frequently display excessive meanness, increased attention to self-image, and a lack of confidence
socially
- Able to see two sides of an argument
- Enjoys forming and sharing their opinion
- Solves multi-step, complex problems
- Has a hard time with organization and time management
- Sudden brain growth may lead to forgetfulness
mentally
- Needs 9-11 hours of sleep each night and may easily fatigue or develop headaches
- Girls outpace guys in development
- Guys experience changes in height and body shape, and may develop body odor, body hair, and increased muscle
- Girls may develop body odor, body hair, and breasts; and menstruation is likely (10-16 years)
physically
your child is changing...
In Middle School, the big conversation is social media. Be ready to help them navigate that, and many more questions, with wisdom.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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