The phase when friendships shift, grades count, and interests change so often your teenager has to explain, “This is me now.”
Ninth Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
Ninth grade means increased demands for personal responsibility. For those headed to college, grades begin to count toward future admission. For everyone, grades count toward a high school diploma.
There is a new academic reality.
By the end of this year, your teenager will have a more stable sense of who they are. Frankly, they may be a little frustrated you haven’t known who they were all along. (Why not? It’s been so obvious.) Listen carefully. Pay attention. Stalk them openly. The greatest thing you can do in this phase is to continually rediscover who they are becoming and know where they are finding acceptance.
This is a year of identifying talents.
High school feels like it has hundreds of teenagers, 250 dating couples, and more than 50 options for extracurricular activities (and all of that may be true). With so many opportunities to connect, your high schooler may find their place in engineering class or on the debate team, in drama club or on the basketball court, at the gym or Beta Club.
You may notice a few new friends.
the Ninth Grade Phase
welcome to
support the branches
In High School:
Encourage your teen in their endeavors as they grow in new directions. As they branch out, support and guide them while they take ownership of their faith to prepare them to flourish in the ages to come.
In the Ninth Grade phase, your role is to mobilize their potential.
- High schoolers think like a philosopher. | You help them learn when you… ask questions.
- High schoolers want to know, “Where do I belong?” | You capture their heart when you… value community.
- High schoolers are motivated by freedom. | You coach them when you… give choices.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Strengthen your relationship by adjusting your plans to show up when they need you.
Their TIME
Interpret life when they occasionally open up at the end of the day.
Bed TIME
Connect regularly by scheduling time to eat together (even once a week).
Meal TIME
Instill purpose by starting the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"What’s something you feel like God is teaching you right now?"
"When do you feel closest to God?"
"When you told me about… it made me think of a verse in Proverbs."
Share Bible verses that relate to their present circumstances.
be wise with your words.
This year you will fuel passion so they will keep pursuing authentic faith and discover a personal mission.
In this phase when your ninth grader is asking, “Where do I belong?” foster their connection to a positive faith community. Your ninth grader will need consistent peers and leaders who sill strengthen their relationship with God.
So, look for ways to prioritize their church connection, and stay engaged in their faith journey by having conversations at home.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Feels empowered through choices rather than rules
- May still feel insecure about their changing body
- May experience changes in motivation
- Seeks experience that create intense feelings and emotions
- Increasingly vulnerable to addiction, such as self-harm, alcohol, and pornography
emotionally
- Girls begin wearing make-up on a regular basis
- Increased interest in intimate expression, but dating tends to be short-lived
- Say they want parents to listen more than advise
- May be tempted to change their appearance or behavior to gain acceptance
socially
- Increasingly able to focus, recall, and organize information
- Overly self-aware; may think, “Everybody’s watching me”
- Wired for risk-taking and sensational experiences
- Resists potentially embarrassing situations
mentally
- Has difficulty falling asleep before 11pm, but still needs 9 hours of sleep per day
- Guys are getting taller, smellier, hairier, and gaining muscle mass; may also experience voice changes, weird dreams, and increased acne
- Girls' bodies take on an adult physical appearance
physically
your child is changing...
In High School, questions shift from, "What now," to, "What's next?" Be prepared to help them navigate questions of identity and purpose.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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