The phase when anything can be imagined, everything can be a game, and one curious preschooler wants to know, “Why?”
Four Year Old:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
Whether it's showcased by pouring all the dish soap into the sink at once, or the constant repetition of "Why? Why? Why?," your preschooler is eager to know how the world works. So when they ask you "Why?" for the second and third time, remember they're just looking for more of the knowledge they know you must have as an adult person.
They have a new found curiosity.
You motivate your preschooler best when you appeal to their desire to play. Whatever the task, turn it into a game; make it fun. You might even let them take the lead and create a game you both can play. Your four-year-old is wired to have fun with you.
Everything can be a game.
Your four-year-old's delightful imagination may suddenly turn your bedroom into a train station, a castle, or both. But imagination may also turn deceptive. Your four-year-old may suddenly insist the cat ate her cupcake, her bed somehow got wet from the rain, and maybe it was Grandma who spilled nail polish on the furniture.
Imagination is reality.
the Four Year Old Phase
welcome to
Emphasize embracing your child's physical needs to plant the seeds of your child knowing God's love. Especially in these early years, forming familiarity with Church and modeling faith patterns prepare your child for what comes next.
plant the seeds
In The Early Years:
In the Four-Year-Old phase, your role is to embrace their physical needs.
- Preschoolers think like an artist. | You help them learn when you… engage their senses.
- Preschoolers want to know, “Am I okay? | You capture their heart when you… cultivate their self-control.
- Preschoolers are motivated by safety. | You coach them when you… discipline consistently.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Wind down together. Provide comfort as the day draws to a close.
Bath TIME
Be personal. Spend one-on-one time that communicates love and affection.
Cuddle TIME
Reinforce simple ideas. Talk to your toddler and play music as you go.
Drive time
Set the mood for the day. Smile. Greet them with words of love.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"Can you help me carry these socks?"
Prompt them to help.
"Isn't it wonderful? Let's thank God for it."
"Was Daniel afraid when he was thrown into the lion's den?"
Talk about what your preschooler learns at church.
be wise with your words.
This year you will incite wonder so your child will know God’s love and meet God’s family.
Your four-year-old has many questions. Some might be about Creation, Heaven, Church, the Bible… and some of their question might already be hard to answer.
Don’t panic. Just like other topics, answer faith questions as simply as possible. If they need to ask more, they will.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Tends to be optimistic in spite of failure
- Enjoys both physical humor and simple jokes
- Can learn relaxation techniques (take a deep breath)
- Often deals with fear and anxiety by distracting themselves
emotionally
- Tells a short story
- Keeps a conversation going
- May struggle with some sounds: r, l, s, z, j, sh, ch, th
- Adjusts speech based on the listener and location
socially
- Sorts things and ideas into categories
- Recognizes less and more (especially if it's candy)
- Can argue, explain, and rationalize (you may have noticed)
- Lives in present, but enjoys retelling the story of past events
mentally
- Hops on one foot
- Strings beads and cuts with scissors (the plastic kind)
- Throws a ball overhand and catches a bounced ball (sometimes)
- Draws circles, squares, and a person with 2-4 body parts
physically
your child is changing...
In the early years, setting the right rhythms and setting the right long term goals are important for the long haul. If you want it to happen for your kids, it starts with you.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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