The phase when friends are best friends, games are for competition, and your confident kid will insist, “I’ve got this.”
Fourth Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
It’s the fifth year of school, and your kid has this routine down. So on the days when your kid may be feeling anxious or worried, ask what you can do to help. Encourage persistence over performance, and constantly remind them, “you’ve got this.” They are gaining the confidence they will need for the phases to come.
Natural confidence rules.
With a “lifetime” of practice under their belt, your fourth grader is ready to prove they can win. Almost nothing motivates a fourth grader more than a good competition. It’s one way to show you how smart and fast and strong they really are. But since the outcome typically matters more than the game (to them), you might be on the lookout for a few negotiations and rule changes along the way.
Competition can be fun.
Fourth grade friend-groups may be quickly turning into cliques, and friendships may evolve into “best friends.” Look for ways to fuel healthy friendships. They are the perfect place to learn some of life’s most valuable skills.
Friends matter more.
the Fourth Grade Phase
welcome to
water regularly
In Elementary:
Emphasize engaging in your child's interests to demonstrate trusting in God's character. Water the seeds and, as they sprout up, cultivate community and nurture their sense of discovery to prepare your child for what comes next.
In the Fourth Grade phase, your role is to engage their interests.
- Elementary schoolers think like a scientist | You help them learn when you… give them a challenge.
- Elementary schoolers want to know, “Do I have friends?” | You capture their hearts when you… develop friendships.
- Elementary schoolers are motivated by fun | You coach them when you… invite others to join in.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Be a counselor. Strengthen you relationship through heart conversations at the end of the day.
Bed TIME
Be a teacher. Establish values with intentional conversations while you eat together.
Meal TIME
Be a friend. Interpret life during informal conversations as you travel.
Drive TIME
Be a coach. Instill purpose be starting the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"Did you know that the Bible was written as 66 different books, but they all tell one story?"
Connect the dots between the stories to give a bigger context.
"What do you think is the wisest choice in this situation?"
"How can I pray for you today/ this week?"
be wise with your words.
This year you will provoke discovery so your child will trust God’s character and experience God’s family.
Fourth graders are often introspective and enjoy having some alone time. Leverage this new tendency to help them develop a habit of spending time alone with God. Help them pick out a preteen devotional and continue having faith conversations at home. You can do these things by taking advantage of the time you already spend together.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Frequently exhibits signs of anxiety
- May begin to be embarrassed about their body
- Enjoys puns, sarcasm, and sometimes crude jokes
- Still hold to family beliefs and values, but may ask challenging questions
- May be drawn to a humanitarian cause and enjoy service opportunities
emotionally
- Increasingly values peer approval
- Desires more personal privacy
- Often thrives in competitive situations
- Benefits from having a same-gender best friends
- May be interested in or curious about opposite-gender relationships (but rarely admits it)
socially
- Can focus on one activity for 45 minutes
- Can read silently and remember what they’ve read
- Able to collaborate on rules and consequences
- Recognizes different perspectives and becomes more empathetic
- Still struggles with abstract concepts
mentally
- Continues losing baby teeth including molars (9-12 years)
- Improves in speed, force, and body control
- Needs physical activity and may become restless
- May show signs of early stages of puberty: acne, mood swings, changes in weight and height (girls 8-9, boys 9-12 years)
- Needs 10-11 hours of sleep each night
physically
your child is changing...
In elementary, you are setting the stage for truth based on what is black and white, as well as creating habits that could last a decade.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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