The phase when everybody else can… nobody else has to… and your resolute teen will push you to answer, “Why not?”
Tenth Grade:
PARENT RESOURCE CENTER
With newfound freedom comes greater life experiences. That really life-shattering bad thing you warned them about? They know someone who survived it. The standards you held up for them in the past? They many come to realize you haven’t always lived by them. So, get ready for them to challenge you on… well, just about everything.
Expect some fresh skepticism.
A tenth grader still needs boundaries, but unless the boundaries make sense in light of their personal (and changing) beliefs, they won’t stay within them. Just remember, when you “debate” (loudly) boundaries with a tenth grader, stay in the present. They aren’t challenging what you both want ten years from now, they just need you to understand what they need right now.
Keep fighting for their hearts.
Sweet sixteen means sweet freedom. Whether this is getting a driver’s license, using public transportation, or hopping in an Uber, your teenager may no longer depend on you for transportation. This year, you may constantly question just how much is too much freedom.
Anticipate new independence.
the Tenth Grade Phase
welcome to
support the branches
In High School:
Encourage your teen in their endeavors as they grow in new directions. As they branch out, support and guide them while they take ownership of their faith to prepare them to flourish in the ages to come.
In the Tenth Grade phase, your role is to mobilize their potential.
- High schoolers think like a philosopher. | You help them learn when you… ask questions.
- High schoolers want to know, “Why should I believe you?” | You capture their heart when you… clarify their values.
- High schoolers are motivated by freedom. | You coach them when you… catch them doing something good.
Think. Want. Motivate.
Rhythms & Responses
Make the most of Each moment (Eph 5:16)
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Why Rhythms & Responses Matter:
Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5:15–16)
In other words: Life is short & the days are evil. Days, however, are also opportunities.
Our English word opportunity comes from a Latin word meaning, “toward the port,” suggesting that a ship can take advantage of the winds and tides to navigate safely toward the harbor.
The brevity of life makes it all the more important to make the best use of the opportunities God gives us. Much like a ship, in life's short journey, there are winds and tides that can be leveraged for a good purpose.
In Paul’s time, when Roman persecution was on the way, how foolish to waste opportunities to win the lost when soon those opportunities might be taken away! In the moments we have with our children, this is why our rhythms and responses matter: that by the grace of God, we could redeem the time we have, no matter how fleeting or frustrating.
Strengthen your relationship by adjusting your plans to show up when they need you.
Their TIME
Interpret life when they occasionally open up at the end of the day.
Bed TIME
Connect regularly by scheduling time to eat together (even once a week).
Meal TIME
Instill purpose by starting the day with encouraging words.
MORNING TIME
be wise with your time.
"Are there ways you would want to serve in our church or community?"
"How can I pray for you today/ this week?"
"I don’t know."
"That’s a good question. I’m not sure I will ever know the full answer, but I believe…”
Let them know it’s ok to talk about hard questions.
be wise with your words.
This year you will fuel passion so they will keep pursuing authentic faith and discover a personal mission.
In this phase when your tenth graders is asking, “Why should I believe?” the best thing you can give them is a consistent faith community where they can process their doubts and strengthen their relationship with God. Stay engaged in their personal faith journey by having conversations at home.
show authentic faith
– Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Our aim as parents
Child Developments & Change
Your Child's Growing Capabilities (1 Cor 3:2)
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Why Development & Change Matters:
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready. (1 Cor 3:1-2)
At one point in time, you had to start out with the basics. As you learned and you grew, you were able to handle more difficult things. This is why Paul compares himself to a mother in places like 1 Cor 4:15 and 1 Thess 2:7.
A major part of intentional Christian parenting means giving your children what they need when they need it. By being aware of their milestones and tendencies, you can adjust their goals with their capabilities.
Then, as they near their next milestone, you're there waiting to celebrate, and you're ready to give them more. A good parent knows when their children need to grow. Instead of just leaving them with milk, like Paul, we should desire to give them more and more as they become ready for it.
As your child grows, this is why you need to navigate the changes well: that by the grace of God, you could help them stretch and learn to know the Gospel at every age. To do this, you can't just meet them where they are, you must know how to gently push them on where they need to go.
- Feels empowered through choices rather than rules
- Responds well to specific praise
- Becoming aware of their personal tendencies and patters
- Seeks experiences that create intense feelings and emotions
- May enjoy sharing ideas with adults who will listen
emotionally
- Increased interest in intimate expression; dating may become more “committed”
- Increased susceptibility to date violence and rape (peaks at 16 years)
- May experience depression; highest year for teen suicide
- Desires responsibility that increases freedom
socially
- Increasingly able to focus, recall, and organize information
- Keenly aware of global issues and may be critical of the adult world
- Highly self-aware; may think, “Everybody’s watching me”
- Wired for risk-taking and sensational experiences
- Tends to be curious, inquisitive, and drawn toward the supernatural
mentally
- Has dificulty falling asleep before 11pm (it’s biological)
- Needs nine hours of sleep and one hour of exercise per day
- Girls have likely reached adult height and body development
- Guys may experience voice changes, weird dreams, and increased acne
physically
your child is changing...
In High School, questions shift from, "What now," to, "What's next?" Be prepared to help them navigate questions of identity and purpose.
Resources For This Stage
No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you work, you're going to miss something. You're going to mess up. You're going to say or do something you regret. And yes, God can redeem even your short-comings as a parent.
To the best of our ability, we can hope that we use the tools given to us to be Godly parents, grandparents, and mentors. But thanks be to God that the salvation of the children in our care does not depend solely on us.
To play on Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 3, I ask: What then is a father? What then is a mother? One can plant, and one can water, but it is God who gives the increase.
So, as a parent, do what you can. And aim to do it well. But trust that God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that you could ask or think, will be glorified throughout all generations, even yours.
God's got this.
This all might sound like a lot, but I can assure you...
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